Friday, April 17, 2009

Who's good?

I can get upset or even mad if and when someone might think I’m a good guy. I don’t feed the hungry or clothe the poor, so I can’t be a good guy. But I realized today the implied inverse of this thought is that if I did feed the hungry and clothe the poor, that people should think I am a good guy. Hmm…that’s not right.

Being nice or generous is not in and of myself, it’s from God; I’m not capable of those things on my own. When good things do come from me, it’s by God’s grace and for His glory. Any reflection of goodness at all is really on Him and not on me, as it is merely done through me in a given situation. I’m learning to not take negatively my lack of doing certain “idealistic” things (idealistic in respect to a perfect ideal in my mind), because who I am doesn’t change by the things I do or don’t do. Whether or not I flow out the Lord’s love doesn’t change that I am a sinful man in need of God’s grace.

That said, I do desire to emulate my Savior and love as He loved. I deal with fear that if I’m not hard on myself, I won’t “do” anything, as I am a very lazy and complacent man by nature. But God is good, and He has given me His Holy Spirit. I’m learning to trust Him to convict and challenge me, rather than taking on this unbearable burden myself. (Sigh). Yeah, He defines who I am…“For [I] have died, and [my] life is now hidden with Christ in God.”(Col 3:3)

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