Friday, January 20, 2012

Is it hot to be hot?

I struggle with insecurities about how I look. From what I’ve heard through random sampling, I’m not alone in that. Last night, I realized that I foolishly fear that the woman I will pursue will relinquish wisdom and seeking the Lord, and will rather embrace operating in the flesh. You know, she’ll just go for the hot guy. Ugh. I felt bad for how little trust I was placing in “her” and in God. And I started to realize in fuller depth the trap of good looks (or at least the admiration of such).

Now, I don’t want this to seem like a simple rationalization of dealing with not feeling handsome enough. And thankfully I know in my heart this isn’t. But I see the Lord’s protection/favor/something in being of modest or lesser physical appeal. I know logically that a woman that would choose her mate based on looks alone (which most if not all would flatly deny, I’m sure, so let’s go with even a heavy weight or emphasis) is not a woman that would make a Proverbs 31 wife. So, if I am rejected by said woman, is that bad? Rather, it would seem to be a good sifting, almost like built-in protection. Sounds good to me.

On top of this, I’ve heard it said of movie stars, etc., that they can struggle with knowing if someone really loves them for whom they are or because of how they look. Well, being homely surely dismisses this argument. And we all age and degrade in countenance, so you shouldn’t base too much on what will be lost. I'm confident a woman isn’t going to have fickle feelings for me based on my appearance. Still, at weak and downtrodden times, “not measuring up” can still hit a nerve somewhere (don’t know many people that are completely unaffected). God’s working on that.

I see it as some odd form of God’s grace that I was nearly 300 pounds and much less attractive in high school. Considering some of the strongholds I faced, I’m scared to imagine what would have happened to me if I had the ability to “get any girl I wanted.” I’ve been spared much heartache (though still not all) and am better prepared to be a loving husband and father. All of those lonely nights and tears cried can’t measure up to the joy I have of being able to offer more of myself and my heart to those I love.

Surely, being hot isn’t bad. I’m just noticing some of the ramifications. I think being unattractive, being modestly attractive, and being extremely attractive all have positives and drawbacks. As time goes on in my walking with Jesus, I pray that I will become not merely more content in who I am, but that my heart will be set on who He is, and who He’s making me into.

Colossians 3:1-3 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”