Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I forgot to be thankful

(See “What’s my aim?” for some context)

I feel bad for God in the sense that those He loves on SO much, so easily forget to be thankful. And (unfortunately) I think we sometimes only “remember” when something “bad” happens.

For instance, in the example of my stuffy nose, once I recognized that something wasn’t quite right, I realized how my sinuses had been very healthy for a long time…but I never thought to be thankful for that. Not until there was a problem, that is. I’m never as grateful for the health I have until I’m laying in bed with a fever feeling miserable; then do I realize all the amazing days I’ve felt fine.

“You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.”

If you’re ever stuck in your prayer life (something too familiar to me), spend some time thanking God, especially for the little blessings. Trust me, when you look for them, you won’t run out of things for which to offer thanks!

And as a side note, I’ve found that when I’m really mad at something/someone, offering up thanksgiving (for the circumstances, the person, whatever) can really do a number on your heart and attitude (certainly no secret; there's plenty of scripture about that). No need to force it, though; if you can’t see it, ask God to show you the blessing in the situation. It’s there.

Ps 100:4
“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.”

What’s my aim?

Driving back to work from the post office, I realized my sinuses were still a little stuffed up. Hadn’t been too bad; not at all, really, just a little runny early AM and late PM. Certainly nothing to complain about. I did ask God to keep my nose from being runny (surely a light prayer), then asked Him to restore my body to full health if anything was wrong (starting to fight a cold, etc.).

Then I questioned myself with this: was I willing to be restored to health if it meant having a runny nose for a little bit? (Please stay with me through this lame example). My heart quickly replied with “Yes, but only if the suffering was for a short time. Otherwise, it’d be better to live with being ‘not whole’ and manage it than to suffer at length.” (Obviously a light use of the term “suffering”).

God speaks to me a lot in little things like this throughout the day, revealing my heart to me. This instance is merely an analogy to greater things, such as my walk with the Lord. Am I really willing to suffer the fires of purification to become what He has made me to be? I think He showed me my current attitude: “Yes, but only if it doesn’t hurt too much.” Of course that doesn’t express what my prayers have been. My prayers are basically permission for Him to do whatever is necessary to purify and sanctify me. But is that my attitude? Is that my desire? Is that revealed in my actions?

Even getting to the point of being willing to undergo “some” suffering is progress, a credit to God’s amazing grace. I do pray that I wouldn’t settle for manageable mediocrity, but rather run the race to its completion, not fainting or falling away. Sigh. Even as I write these words, I feel the tug of the flesh wanting to settle, and hear the lies of the enemy attempting to deceive me into complacency.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

Monday, March 23, 2009

As she awakens

As she awakens,
The beautiful breath of life,
Seeps from her soft lips.
I am blessed

As she awakens,
Her aroma stirs me,
To the point of a tear.
How am I so lucky?

As she awakens,
Her hand caresses mine,
Love flowing from her fingertips.
I love this woman.

As she awakens,
She is at her most vulnerable,
Her most beautiful.
Thank you Lord.

(written @ Sonburst '05)

Sand of purity

Thus a grain of sand be my chance,
To dream a feeling so good,
That the pain it may never be,
Sinks my vying heart.
On top of the sand dune she sits,
Running her hand through her silky hair,
As the white capped waves caress the sand,
Her glittering eyes captivate me.
We walk, our souls as one,
Not a single word from either's lips,
My heart swells as I turn towards her,
And in what a thousands verses could never say,
Yet in a glance is expressed,
She knows my love and I know hers,
And her eyes,
Her eyes.

(date unknown, pre-2007)

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Be mindful of these
Emotions wage war inside
Acorns know not of the trees
Unfolding great oaks promised
To honor He who waters and feeds
Indeed instructions given
Follow Him in whom He is well pleased
Utterance and groan not understood
Life is renewed with burning of leaves

I reach, I call, I cry, I strain
Stillness and rest by grace bestowed

Hoping, hurting, healing, having
Enduring all for the sake of His Name.



There have recently been more things I’ve wanted to share, but I did not want to write incessant notes on Facebook. So I think I’ll give this a whirl.

I hope to share random thoughts, poetry, words from the Lord, and lessons learned on this incredible journey. What a road…still amazed at His calling me. I’m so grateful for friends who help me from fainting on this race. There’s so much I want to cram in so quickly, but writing can drain my emotions; perhaps I’ll be able to piecemeal my ramblings in the coming days and weeks.