Fatherhood

I listened to a sermon this morning that mentioned seeing the joy in a child from simple pleasures, and how the Father has so much joy in His children. Not the joy we have contained within us, but the joy He has in being our Father. That really struck a chord in my heart and grabbed me in a way I haven't felt in a little while. Part of that came from hanging out with some parents and their infant son last night, and spending more time recently around middle schoolers. It had me so strongly desiring to lead and raise a son. I think about it somewhat frequently and often consider how hard fatherhood will be, giving up the best of my life for him. And knowing in the end, he could throw away everything I give him and walk a life of destruction (kinda a heavy transition there).

With that thought, God reminded me it's not about sacrificing for my son, but rather being obedient to the Lord. By giving my all for my son, I am serving the Lord, which will have lasting impact in various ways; the outcome of my son's life isn't the lone consequence. Whether my son takes hold of what is offered or leaves it is out of my control. My focus should be on loving and serving God and my son the best I can, not trying to be the best father my mind can imagine. Putting your efforts into serving a person/idea/cause can lead to bitterness and disappointment if/when it's not returned. But the Lord never disappoints and richly rewards His servants with eternal gifts beyond our comprehension.

And reflecting on all this brings my attention to the steps that need to take place before any of this is a reality in my life. At one moment, I feel like an immature adolescent enjoying a fairly free schedule and the flexibility to do whatever I want. Then in the next breath comes on the angst of impatience and the drive to force a relationship, even if it seems godly. Caught in the cross hairs of confusion. And I generally have found that confusion reigns when I'm trying to make my own will happen. But what even is that will right now?

If it wasn't for God's hand and peace in my life, I feel I'd have legitimate reason to freak out. But worry was made unnecessary at Calvary. This isn't quite the worst of painful trials that Peter speaks of, but I do think it's a form of trial. And I will and do indeed rejoice in this type of emotional/mental “suffering”/battling, because I know God is refining me, and the outcome will be worth the fight. No, the process itself is worth the fight, because it draws me closer to my Father. Man, God is good. May His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.