What’s my aim?

Driving back to work from the post office, I realized my sinuses were still a little stuffed up. Hadn’t been too bad; not at all, really, just a little runny early AM and late PM. Certainly nothing to complain about. I did ask God to keep my nose from being runny (surely a light prayer), then asked Him to restore my body to full health if anything was wrong (starting to fight a cold, etc.).

Then I questioned myself with this: was I willing to be restored to health if it meant having a runny nose for a little bit? (Please stay with me through this lame example). My heart quickly replied with “Yes, but only if the suffering was for a short time. Otherwise, it’d be better to live with being ‘not whole’ and manage it than to suffer at length.” (Obviously a light use of the term “suffering”).

God speaks to me a lot in little things like this throughout the day, revealing my heart to me. This instance is merely an analogy to greater things, such as my walk with the Lord. Am I really willing to suffer the fires of purification to become what He has made me to be? I think He showed me my current attitude: “Yes, but only if it doesn’t hurt too much.” Of course that doesn’t express what my prayers have been. My prayers are basically permission for Him to do whatever is necessary to purify and sanctify me. But is that my attitude? Is that my desire? Is that revealed in my actions?

Even getting to the point of being willing to undergo “some” suffering is progress, a credit to God’s amazing grace. I do pray that I wouldn’t settle for manageable mediocrity, but rather run the race to its completion, not fainting or falling away. Sigh. Even as I write these words, I feel the tug of the flesh wanting to settle, and hear the lies of the enemy attempting to deceive me into complacency.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”